Tired

I am really tired of everything. I just want to disappear into thin air right now. hmm nothing much just feel like blogging what I feel today. I will blog until the day when I'm finally back to the optimistic , independent and happy girl again. or maybe? when I find someone whom will love me .Love me like how I did to others, who will be afraid of losing me too. But one thing for sure, if you are not planning to stay ,PLEASE DON'T EVER ENTER INTO MY LIFE.

Still hurts 22May17

You probably won't be able to see this but ya it's alright. This will just be a personal space for me to share my little thoughts. Alright how should I begin? haish... it still hurts talking about it. Okay... let's begin ... hey I wonder how are you doing? probably fine right? life without me. good right? hmm.. it is almost close to 3months already but here I am still thinking how would it be if I am a little more understanding and showing more concern towards you .Sometimes I wondered, is it my fault that made you like this? or is it that I don't understands you well enough? it scares me to think that I have dated someone for 1yr , thinking that I know everything about you when obviously I didn't. I regret not knowing you enough . I regret for trusting you too much and believing you .Hahah ended up , you are the one that is hurting me too much. haish... To be honest ,when I realised what you did I was really devastated and disappointed then slowly anger starts building up. The person whom I thought is different , whom I thought I can trust or whom I thought I can rely on, was actually just the same as other guys. Love is really blind, really. But no matter how much stuff you did to hurt me , I still can't bare to hate you .That is what I really hate about myself. I really tried my best to hate you because of the stuff that you did but I just can't. I will definitely remember the stuff you said when you broke up with me. The stuff you said really hit on me , make me think who the fk am I actually really dating. When you are trying to win someone's heart , you do all methods to win them but after you are sick of them, you just throw them aside. I guess you win right? In r/s , the person that fall the deeper one loses right? which is me . hahah. I still remember at 6 march when we broke up , I didn't really cried for you. You can say I'm trying to act tough etc but I tbh was too hurt to even express it out and I just laughed it out. People always said I'm strong, optimistic and looks like I'm always happy but I'm actually not. I didn't realise how much you have hurt me until I actually typed this out about all my feelings( I cant believe I still can teared even after 3 months)hmmm.. I shouldn't not have worked at wintertime, should not have played with you, should not have snapchat and should not have celebrated my birthday with you. Everything was a mistakes. Sometimes I wonder , what do to deserve such this from you. Maybe not trusting you from the beginning of the r/s was right. From someone who is always happy, you wrecked me to someone who is now full of wounds. I think I'm now afraid of having someone in my life , afraid of being in a r/s , afraid of them treating me like how you did, afraid bring lonely etc. But even after everything you have done, I am still able to forgive you. I guess I'm just too soft-hearted. The good memories with you starts to overtake the bad memories. haish.. I miss those hands of your, the look of your face , your kisses , your cute personality (basically everything about you) But I guess , I'm the only one that is missing it....

Is it just me?

I have no idea why i feel that recently but whenever i saw x takes pic with girl . I felt so insecure. i mean if it was just a normal pic i wouldnt mind but they are like so close . I mean i know the girl already have a bf but i dont know why is it bothering me so much. If you were to be in my shoes, won't you feel the same too? And hmm recently i have been feeling very insecure about everything. Insecure about how i looked , insecure about just being me. Haish... i dont know anymore